KEY INGREDIENTS FOR SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

In our social media generation and with the boom in engagements and marriages, we are constantly being bombarded with pictures with titles such as #RelationshipGoals. It is easy to get sucked into the hype when your timeline is filled with engagement photo shoots and #MCM proclamations that make you start to question when 'your time' will come. But, there is no point daydreaming about when you will get there if you haven't figured out how to get there. It's easy to say you're 'looking for love', but you need to be real with yourself and ask yourself if you are even emotionally ready for it. Don't overlook the work you need to do within yourself because you're so caught up on what you think you want or need in somebody else. The fact is, you shouldn't be looking for love in the first place. Once you know Christ, then you have already found it! (1 John 4:8). When the bible says 'Seek ye first the kingdom of God and ALL other things shall be added' (Matt 6:33) Love was not excluded from that! Having said that, relationships are truly a beautiful thing but they do require work.


We need to consider that it's one thing to get into a relationship and it's another thing to sustain it. In other words:

                                     

Here are just a few of those ingredients...

1. KEEP GOD FIRST.

This will always be the most important and fundamental tool for any truly successful relationship. We are beyond fortunate to have a Father that has provided us with the ultimate Relationship Survival Guides via The Bible, Prayer, The Holy Spirit and Mentors we can be accountable to. Handling anything solely by our own strength no matter how strong we think we are, will eventually lead to destruction. God on the other hand, hasn't and will never fail and will therefore lighten any loads you cannot carry and guide you as individuals and as a team in times of hardship.
The maintenance of walking in purpose and its fulfilment depends on the strength and consistency of the partnership between you and God. If you do not have a solid and consistent love and relationship with God first, it is so easy for your partner to become your God without you even realising it. Why? Because you spend so much time with them, you care about them, their words can effect you, their mood can influence yours. However all those things should be experienced first through your relationship with Christ. You should spend a lot of time with Him, care about and love Him, the words He has declared over your life should be what effects you, His word should influence your moods. Nobody has got you like He does. The more you individually as well as collectively seek God and root your relationship (both the good and bad aspects) in His will, the more it will grow and blossom into a positive, purposeful and productive union. The moment you allow cracks in your relationship to be filled by anything but Him, the wider you leave the door open for disaster and destruction of every and any form to enter.

As cheesy as it may sound, I view Christ as the ultimate navigation system. He knows our end destination, He knows the best route for us to get there, and will provide us with warnings of any danger or obstacles we may encounter on the way- it's up to us to follow Him and trust in His direction. And if at any point you get lost or turn off course just press reroute, go back to the source and He will redirect you to where you should be going.

video on keeping God first:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh-okYm7pZM 

2. COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL.

One of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is expecting our partner to just automatically know how we are feeling or know the effect their actions have on us.
Unless the two of you were brought up under the same rules, raised by the same parents with the same principles and had witnessed every life experience together from birth, there will always be something to learn from or about your partner.
If you feel upset about something, giving your partner the cold shoulder with no explanation does not benefit your relationship.
Furthermore knowing your partners love languages will really help you to figure out the best way to communicate with them. Whilst for some, words of affirmation are an extremely important need, for others acts of service may be far more important. Depending on what your partner responds to best you need to be discerning of how you approach them. The more you communicate, the stronger your unit will become and the deeper your understanding on one another will be

Particularly in the case of arguments, effective and more importantly constructive communication is what can ultimately affect the outcome of the issue.

Lets put this into a scenario for example:

                                                                  THE PROBLEM:

RESPONSE 1

                                                                         RESPONSE 2

                                                                    RESPONSE 3

As cliche and cheesy as this scenario may seem, the key thing to take away from it is that APPROACH IS KEY. We can't always control our partners' attitude or behaviour but WE CAN control our own. I always say 'Fighting fire with fire often results in someone getting burnt. Tackling fire with water, suppresses it and eventually cools it down.' In saying that I mean sometimes in relationships, we have to rise above our temporary feelings of anger, frustration or hurt, and focus on the greater good. This does not mean ignore any issues you may have and pretend everything is fine. Instead it means be wise about HOW you deal with those issues. Even if you may have initially been completely in the right, that doesn't give you license to go crazy and start attacking someone you supposedly love. If you're yelling or insulting your partner out of anger, do you really think they are going to hear or even be able to pick out your actual point in the midst of all the yelling and insults? Chances are, they are more likely to yell right back meaning you are now both offended and both too hyped up to actually hear each others points.

Even if your partner is 'in their feelings' and is approaching the situation in a negative way, you still have a choice to either retaliate or calm the situation down through your actions and gear it towards an adult discussion and create more mature environment in which both parties points can be heard and addressed.

3.SPEAK WITH LOVE

The approach and energy you put towards a conversation can ultimately effect its outcome (as shown in the previous example). When you love someone, the reality is, the words and action they present to you can effect how you feel. As a partner, you should want to be a source of joy, strength and love for your other half, and be the first person to defend them if ever someone tried to hurt them in any way. Therefore you should not turn around and be the source of their sorrow. In every situation speak with love. Speak to your partner in a way that reminds them that you are confirmation of how much God loves them, even in their mistakes. 

It is so easy when you are angry or feel misunderstood to say hurtful things that you know you don't mean, but that doesn't mean they don't hurt or leave scars. Even in the midst of your anger try to remember the greater good which is your love and the purpose of your union. For example, if you know your partner is sensitive to what they hear, if you have an issue with them, ensure your words are constructive and coming from a place of love,as opposed to offensive and destructive coming from a place of resentment and spite. No couple that genuinely loves each other actually enjoys arguing with their partner. Deep down you both just want to get back to being happy so try and ensure your individual actions are leading the situation in that direction. 

4. HONESTY AND  TRUST 

Trust brings both freedom and security to a relationship. Having full trust in someone makes you feel fully comfortable to share yourselves via your thoughts, feelings, fears, issues and everything that makes you happy. When you can see that your partner has entrusted their thoughts and deeds to Gods will, and you can actively see that they are striving daily to be obedient to it, it makes it much easier to trust them.
To agree to spend the rest of your life with someone, you 100% need to trust them! How uncomfortable would it be to be living everyday suppressing your feelings or suspecting negative things, all because trust has been broken or was never fully there in the first place?
Foundation is everything! Start with the tools you intend to carry to the finish line so they will only get better with time! If you happen to be courting someone who has had their trust broken before, you also need to be sensitive to that, and ask God for wisdom and discernment as to how to establish trust in your union in practice as well as in theory.

5. BE YOURSELF 

This is absolutely key if you want to maintain a healthy, long lasting relationship. The worst thing to do is to have a partner you got through a false pretence.
When you are married there is no room for hiding. Your partner will see you in every format and setting both physically and emotionally, and ultimately he will never really love you for you is he doesn't even know who you truly are!
I always give this scenario to my friends whenever we have discussions about being yourself within marriage: If makeup becomes the security blanket you think played a fundamental role in getting your husband, you are already creating an environment that will make it difficult for you to be truly yourself. Realistically, you are not going to be able to wake up at 5am everyday before he wakes up, run to the bathroom to put on a full face of makeup then jump back to bed talking about 'I Woke Up Like This'.  It's just not realistic and it says more about what you think of yourself than it does about what he thinks about you. It will feel a million times better to know that someone loves you for exactly who you are as opposed to the person you have created for them to believe you are.
For ladies, being yourself applies to both your physical and internal characteristics. 

For example, let's say your partner spontanteously says he's taking you to dinner. Because this is a suprise you havent had time to plan an outfit or get your hair done etc. Now, you know for you to get your 'fleek on' it will take you at least 1 hour to get ready. You need to make sure your brows are on fleek, your face is beat and you contour brings out those cheekbones. But, you're frantically panicking because he's never seen you without all those things and you're conscious you won't be ready in time. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look great but you have to remind yourself that you did not come out of the womb with eyeshadow and lashes and hair extensions on. Make sure you still love you, not just what makeup can do! When you're married you will be living under the same roof, so  at some point, your husband is going to witness those 1-2 hours you spend getting ready. You need to be comfortable with him seeing the before as well as the after. 

Equally, if you can feel yourself changing or hiding you character just to impress or keep a man, you wont be able to keep up the facade forever. Most of the time if someone really cares about you they will see or sense when you're not being yourself. If you're not willing to be open about your flaws, they will manifest themselves in some area of your relationship so the sooner you are open and honest about who you are, the early you can discern what you can do to be even better.

6. SUPPORT
Be your spouses number one fan! God has a purpose for your union but He still assigned you an individual purpose too. Support and encourage each other in your careers and personal goals.
Prayer is also SUPER important. Prayer is one of the most intimate ways you can connect with God and each other. Praying with and for one another covers your relationship in the strongest foundation, and prevents any outside or negative influences from getting involved and tampering with something God intended for greatness.

Use your love languages:

This means learning the right things to say as well as the wrong. Generally from spending time with your partner you will be able to determine what love languages are most important to them. You will be able to decipher what triggers make them happy and what makes them sad. Certain behaviours will make them feel incredibly loved, so explore those and find creative ways to implement them into your relationship. 

7.BE WILLING TO LISTEN AND LEARN

Relationships are the one of the biggest teachers in life. Being with someone for such a large portion of your life, it is inevitable that through the relationships some of your flaws or underlying issues will be flagged up. Whether it be an issue you have never fully dealt with, a bad habit or a physical problem, always be willing to listen and learn and become better with each new lesson. The right partner will always have your best interests at heart but stubbornness or being stuck in feelings of embarrassment, pride or shame can prevent you from seeing that, which in turn hinders you from being better.

8. SELFLESSNESS 

When you get married you are committing to the idea that you constantly give up little pieces of your pride, ego and selfishness with each new lesson. While it is still important to have 'me time' when you are married, the nature of this union means you are one in the same with your partner. Therefore you shouldn't make unwise or selfish choices as they will inevitably effect your partner and your family. In your decision making, be wise and consider how your choices will effect your partner and this will help you determine if it is even worth it. 

9.KEEP IT FRESH

Life can be quickly become an overwhelming and monotonous cycle of working, paying bills, keeping up the house, and trying to make room for time to sleep. This can mean having time for one another or keeping the relationship 'fun' can become much more challenging. Keeping it fresh sometimes means working against routine. Dinner and a movie are not the only ways to have a date. Spontaneity can keep things exciting and creative, and establish beautiful and unique memories! Every couple has different love languages and activities that make them happy and strengthen their bond so explore those. Why not practice Random Acts of Kindness as opposed to doing things at predictable occasions. Try both indoor and outdoor date nights, group dates, bible study or game nights with other couples, Holidays, spa days, bond over a mutual passion e.g. if it's music, go to a concert together, study a book together, Build something together, do an outdoor activity together, go to a new destination together, try something for the first time together, document your journey etc. There are limitless ways to keep things fresh and fun ! 

10. TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAMWORK

Relationships require daily work and two parties that are willing to consistently put in the work for the greater good.
No seed develops into a flower without adding nutrients, but furthermore a flower that only has sun will eventually die just as easy as a flower that only has water will. Both parties are necessary for growth. The same principle applies to marriage.
It cannot run on autopilot, but takes a willing spirit and continual effort to make a relationships continue to grow and flourish. Consult each other in decision making and protect your union with joint prayer and counsel from God first and foremost not outsiders.

                                
Though these are not all the key ingredients for a successful relationships, these are just a few that could help or add to the knowledge you already have.

Whether you learnt something new or were reminded of something you had forgotten I hope you were encouraged! x

Check out some of these videos sharing relationship advice:


DEVON FRANKLIN AND MEAGAN GOOD FRANKLIN

Finding True Love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gR6QswzYPcQ

How I found my husband https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDnoF_O_3Jo


Purchase their new book 'The Wait' HERE 

TOURE ROBERTS AND SARAH JAKES ROBERTS
How they met and tools for a successful relationship
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13MXWH8RiFo

               5 Keys to identifying your soulmate
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJutjZ5mm9E 

MYLES AND RUTH MONROE

Principles of Male and Female Relationships
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP5emoA7xpM


Laws of Love and Marriage
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A8l3OQyEsg


Kingdom Culture of Relationships (skip to 24.25)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIIQ5SfwMYQ


ALDUAN AND MECCA TARTT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wjnx2IvQKjs

THE REAL REASON FOR THE SEASON!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Hope you're all having an amazing day so far!

I have been wanting to write this post since last Christmas and I'll tell you why...

Since I was a little girl, presents are always given in my house but as great as they are, they were never the focal point of my Christmas celebration.
Every year, it was tradition to watch the nativity movies they would show on TV and be reminded of all the nativity productions I used to star in as a kid in primary school. They taught me the real reason why people from all over the world in the midst of all its chaos always united at this time of year to celebrate such a life changing event, and made me understand the reason behind why people gave gifts and acted selflessly.

So, last year I put on my cosy jumper, whilst Christmas dinner was brewing in the oven and started to flick through channels to find a nativity film to watch...

I did not find a single one. Not one. I even tried again after my Christmas dinner but no. Still nothing. 

Google result for most popular Christmas Movies

Though for some that may not be a big deal, for some reason it really bothered me. I mean don't get me wrong I still like to watch Home Alone 1,2,3 and 4, Elf, Santa Claus, etc, you know all the 'classics', but for some reason without seeing anything displayed anywhere about the actual reason for the season, nothing felt the same. 

I even took it as far as thinking about my future children. I used to really look forward to watching the nativity story with them and teaching them about who Christ was and how significant and important his birth was, and what it would mean for their lives. I thank God that I still have home videos of me singing my lungs out as Mary in Nativity productions and singing carols, that I can show them.

I remember as a child in 'Sunday School' (throwback I know)  we were taught that all these festive decorations such as Christmas trees, mistletoe, wreaths, candles, and even presents, all had a significant meaning related to the real purpose of Christmas. Though over the years, this seems to have been more and more disregarded and decorations and presents are purely bought for tradition. 




So I took it upon myself to remind myself of the real for the season as well as familiarise myself with the significance of the signs and symbols we use to decorate our homes and streets, and what they actually mean:

From the moment I realised that Santa Claus wasn't going to come down the chimney and give me thousands of presents, I've always wondered what the actual purpose of Santa Claus was and where it actually originated from. Turns out Santa Claus is the English form of the Dutch name for St. Nicholas SinterKlaas. Though the modern Santa Claus is associated with a world of fantasy, the historical St.Nicholas was 'a godly man known for his charity and generosity'. St. Nicholas was a 4th-century Greek Christian and Bishop of Myra, on the coast of Turkey. Nicholas was famous for his donations of generous gifts to the poor and was a religious man from an early age who devoted his life entirely to Christianity.

From all the various sources I read regarding the significance of Santa Claus in relation to the birth of Christ, I think it's safe to say there is no correlation between the two (although since there is no mention of him in the bible I should have known that). The principle of giving as well as the fairytale incentive that keeps children on their best behaviour, is what has kept Santa a relevant icon in society today. But it is seems this 'X-mas'/'Santa Claus is coming to town' concept is slowly overshadowing the importance of 'Christ-mas'.

The infamous Christmas is a fundamental part of Christmas decoration galore but it does have a meaning.
The evergreen tree stays green all year round and is believed to represent the everlasting hope of mankind.
It is also believed to be a symbol of life, representing the birth of Jesus Christ in the season of winter





Why do we place a star on top of this tree then?


God promised a saviour for the world and the star was a sign of his promise.

Matthew 2:2-
'Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king,  magi (wise men) from the east came to Jerusalem, asking,  “Where is He who has been born King of the Jews? For we have seen His star in the east and have come to worship Him.”'

The candles we light at Christmas symbolise Christ: the light of the world
When we see this powerful light we are to be reminded of the power and purpose of Christ- he fills our lives with light

We often see Christmas Wreaths on peoples doors or as decoration around peoples homes. 
These symbolise the real nature of Christs love: it never ceases-Gods love has no beginning or end

I personally struggled to remember what association mistletoe had with Christmas because whenever someone presented me with mistletoe I happily declined and I'm sure you know why lol. But, having researched its significance I found that it originated as far back as pre-Christian Europe, where it was believed that mistletoe possessed life bestowing properties and was associated with fertility. It was also believed that mistletoe possessed "life-giving" power. The tradition of hanging it in the house goes back to the times of the ancient Druids. It is supposed to possess mystical powers which bring good luck to the household and wards off evil spirits. It was also used as a sign of love and friendship in Norse mythology and that's where the custom of kissing under Mistletoe comes from. I personally don't think this has any association with the real reason for Christmas but is simply a tradition that has remained in society for many years. 

Holly on the other hand is believed to represent the crown of thorns worn by our Saviour as it is quite sharp. Red holly therefore is perceived as a symbol of the blood shed by Christ for us.

Angels are remembered for being the ones to announce the glorious news of Christ's birth 
Luke 2:10-11
'The angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord'.

John 3:16
'For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life'

This is the gift that appears to be becoming more and more forgotten. 


As you can see the real purpose of Christmas has slowly becoming more and more intertwined with societal and generational traditions which may not have anything to do with the actual biblical story of Christ's birth. 

For any one who wishes to refresh their memory of the story of Christ's Birth or even read it for the first time you can do so here
Let's not follow society blindly, but let's make meaningful memories and celebrate with purpose!

So this Christmas as much as we bask in the gift giving, food munching and family festivities, let's not forget the Reason that the season even exists in the first place! And let's pass on the true meaning of Christmas to our loved ones and to the generations to come!

The magic of Christmas is not THE presents but in HIS presence. 

        


Merry Christmas Y'all x

RELATIONSHIPS: BEFORE YOU BEGIN...

The inspiration for this post stemmed from a conversation I had with some of my girls regarding our 'list' -yep, most women have one- a.k.a. all the ingredients that would make up our perfect guy.
I spent most of the conversation listening and observing others, and I was fascinated by all the differences in opinions,  and the priorities and attributes different women focused on the most. 


The majority of what I heard was something along the lines of:

1. He needs to be a christian and go to church
2. He needs to have a job
3. He needs to earn minimum £28,000 a year
4. He needs to be a similar culture to me so we can eat the same things and he'll get along with my family
5. He needs to be at least 5 ft 11- 6 ft 3
6. I don't want a crazy mother in law
7. He needs to have a car
8. He better be hitting the gym and he can't be missing 'leg day'
9. He has to have a gorgeous smile
10. We need to be morally compatible.

Now don't get me wrong, some of these points are valid, and in some cases necessary, but to me, not all these attributes sound like they were suggested by someone who has really thought about and understood the long term purpose and skills required for a successful marriage. 


From spending time in prayer, reading my bible, books (i'll recommend some at the end), speaking to my mum, christian couples and mentors that inspire me, I began to formulate a much deeper understanding on relationships, which I shared with my friends, and I explained why my list would consist of some slightly different things.

One thing to mention is that there is nothing wrong with having preferences- in fact they are important. God gives them to us for a reason. Without them we would have no standards and would settle for anything and everything that came our way. 

Im not going to give an entire breakdown of the man I believe God has for me 
specifically (that's between me and God for now =] ) However, I do want to share some of the factors I think we should consider as woman before entering a relationship...

1. Not My Will but Yours Be Done. 

Lets not forget that as much as we have all these preferences, ideas and 'relationship goals', ultimately God knows AND has what is Best for us. God didn't make us as empty vessels but as women with purpose and with a vision. Therefore the man He has for you who should also have a purpose and a vision, should be in alignment with that. But, that will only happen if you stay in alignment with Gods will.


2. His love for me will be a reflection of his love for Christ and will be demonstrated in the way he treats me. He should love Christ more than he loves Me. 
He can only have my heart once Christ has captured his.
I highly recommend reading Ephesians 5 and really meditating on it. 
If you are looking at Instagram or celebrities that jump in and out of relationships as often as they change their clothes as your aspiration, then your priorities are definitely in the wrong place. Just like Ephesians 5:17 says 'do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.' You can never truly say you love your spouse if you do not truly understand what that actually consists of. The more you educate yourself the more your 'list' will become more and more specific and catered to the purpose you know God has for you and what that will mean for your marriage. Gaining more wisdom and experience in Gods love will also make it much easier to discern what is definitely not for you so you don't waste your time or somebody else's. Being in a relationship with someone who it truly committed to God will 1000% affect that they commit to you.



3. His actions should be confirmation of his words. 

-Ashley Bradley

Being in a relationship with someone who is committed to the Lord, will affect the way that they commit to you.
If he tells you he has a thorough understanding of what God instructs as the role of a husband, don't just take that his word it. A real man who wants to pursue you will have no problem proving it. He will take pride in being loyal, honest, hardworking, taking you out, 'wooing' you and being faithful to you and to God. Do not be blinded or get caught up in the sweet serenades of 'I love you' or 'You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen' or 'I'm going to buy a house in a months time'. Actually listen to the words the guy is saying to you. Studying character is extremely important. Do not think you fully know someone based on first impressions alone. Observe how he acts when his boys are around. What kind of relationship does he have with his parents? How does he behave when he is angry? How does he behave when he is sad? Is he wise with his money? Does he actually have an active daily relationship with God or does he just go to church? How does he deal with your arguments or issues? Do his actions match his words or disprove them?

4. You should feel Christ's covering and peace in your relationship.
Take my advice- NEVER ignore the voice of God!  I remember being in a position where I was getting annoyed at God for not allowing me to feel the peace that I knew I was supposed to feel. But if I am honest with myself, deep down I knew I was not being treated the way God wanted me to be treated and I knew that His plan for my life was greater. And once I truly listened and acted on His voice I felt at true peace.

Whenever you feel or hear that still small voice or yelling scream urging you to get out of a situation, listen to it. I promise you nobody in the world can ever love you the way God loves you, so if He's telling you to close a door its because he's already prepared the one you are supposed to open and could be saving you from heartache and disaster! Being unequally yoked in any way is not fun!
Part of knowing you are with 'The One' includes experiencing that 'peace that surpassess all understanding' (Phillipians 4:17). You want to be able to walk down the isle with the biggest sense of joy and without a shadow of doubt that this is the man God had intended for you.


5.Physical attraction counts too.

There are 7 billion people in this world, so there are undoubtedly plenty of good looking or just genuinely nice guys out there that you may see as 'potentials'.
However, do not make the mistake of assuming that just because a guy is Christian, automatically he must be 'the one'. From my own experience being single, I went through a stage where quite a few Christian guys approached me with 'interest' (the non-christian ones are not even worth mentioning at this stage) and in some cases, though a nice guy, there was no physical attraction and I'd find myself asking God 'is it bad that I don't like person X in that way, because they seem to really love you and I'm sure they would treat me well?'. But if I liked every single guy that was christian I would be spoilt for choice!
God reminded me about my purpose, and that as much as my faith would be the solid rock my marriage would stand on, there are specific qualities that extend beyond that.  There are skills, gifts, a vision etc that he has placed in my future husband specifically, due to our individual and collective purpose, which will include factors such as physical attraction so I shouldn't just block that part out. Needless to say, Looks do fade. Grey hairs, not so perky boobs, weight changes are all part of life. Though it shouldnt be the main or only reason for being with someone, God wants us to enjoy looking at that man for the rest of our life so settling for what we don't want, means we're setting ourselves up to live constantly desiring something more, which brings me to my next point..


6. Do not settle for less than what you know God wants for you.

Photocredit: www.letstalkaboutwork.tv

For all the ladies that have ever contemplated settling for a guy just because he's Christian but you feel no physical connection or chemistry and do not have the peace of God in your decision, I kindly ask you to wake up and rebuke that thought immediately!

A friend of mine told me the other day that she feels like 'finding the right guy is long' (translation: difficult/too much effort). When I asked her why, she said she feels like all the guys she finds somewhat attractive have the most horrendous attitudes and lifestyles and though she has met a lot of christian guys, she hasn't found one she is attracted to yet so she feels like its not possible to meet a 'hot' guy who isn't an arrogant player. I couldn't laugh or give her one super deep inspirational answer because to be honest, I used to think the same way. But I told her what God taught me- that women usually say that either due to being mistreated in the past by someone who didn't love her like God does, or simply because of a lack of faith. God reminded me that when He said 'seek first the Kingdom and ALL other things shall be added' He meant what He said! You will never know what the real love feels like if you keep compromising your worth.

Anytime we assume we cannot achieve or attain the best in life, it is a reflection of how we view the power of God and His plan for our lives. 

 purchase HERE

7. The wedding is just ONE day, the marriage is a LIFETIME. 

photocredit: happywivesclub.com

With the increasing boom in engagements and weddings, it is very easy to get sucked into the hype. People can easily become so consumed by what colour we want our bridesmaids to wear or deciding whether to come in on a horse drawn carriage or a rolls royce, that we spend much less time focusing on the part that actually counts-the marriage.
And of course, by all means our wedding days should and will be amazing, but that should not be the focal point or main reason for saying yes and rocking the ring.
If you're making a list of your perfect man due to the fact that you just want the 6ft guy with the blue eyes that will look fresh in that white tux and make all your girls envious, but you know you haven't taken any time to consider the skills and factors that make up a great marriage, then your priorities are in the wrong place. You need to have prayed about, planned and prepared for marital life in whatever way necessary e.g. pre-marriage counseling. Knowing your marriage has a purpose will enable to have a clear vision for your union, but it takes two. Your husband should also have a vision beyond the wedding day. If your partner has no idea what they are supposed to be doing with their life, what exactly do you think they are going to do with yours?

8. Invest in You.

Photocredit: @Gentlemenhood Instagram

Don't just sit there for hours at a time daydreaming about going on a date or getting proposed to.
(#RelationshipGoals #MCM#WCW)
Use this season of singleness to get your morals and thoughts in check. 
There is no point looking for love if you are not emotionally or spiritually ready for it.

''Get yourself ready because when God brings you the right person you have to be ready to receive them. But if you're already not feeling great about who you are, no person is going to be able to fill you up''
- Devon Franklin


Women generally put a lot of thought into what their man needs to look like or what he needs to have, but we forget to evaluate ourselves and consider what we need to work on or what we will need to bring to the table in a relationship. 

You need to ask yourself:

- What do God and my husband require of me as a wife? 
- Do I have an idea of Gods vision for my life? 
- What is my purpose? 
- What am I doing to get that in motion? 
- Do I have a serious relationship with God that will be sustained even when I'm in a relationship?
- Do I love ME? (if you don't, you're making it easier for someone to disrespect or take advantage of you)
- What do I love about me? 
- Do I carry myself in a way that is even worth pursuing?
- Do I have a clear understanding of the type of relationship I want to have?
- What are my Love Languages and what are his?  find out here
- Have I fully dealt with any issues I may have had in previous relationships?
- What have I learnt from past relationships?
- What am I going to bring to the table? 
- What do I expose my senses to? porn? songs that glorify sex? 
- Who do I associate with?- how many of your friends are in successful kingdom relationships? are they good or inspiring company?
- Do I have a concrete idea of the boundaries I will need to set? 
- What are my issues and struggles? 
- What do I need to improve about myself and am I actively doing so?
- Am I actually ready to keep things all the way 100 with someone and undergo some personal development as a result? 

An example of self investment 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDnoF_O_3Jo

photocredit: facebook.com

video on abstinence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5GmggASwwA

9. They should encourage and join you in your walk with Christ not steer you away from Him. You can't expect a harvest from something you are not sowing into. 

photo credit: faithisart.wordpress.com

Do not make the mistake of spending so much time praying for a 'bae' that when you finally get one you are so consumed with him and the whole idea of 'being in love' that he becomes your God. Even in a relationship with two steadfast christians, without consistent prayer, covering and seeking wisdom, all you are doing is leaving the door open for the enemy to find even the tiniest weakness and use it to destroy the entire relationship. 

It's not just about romantic walks in the sun- if you want to be part of a purpose filled and God ordained unit then you're going to need to be having some of those romantic walks with The Son! 

As cliche as it sounds, in relationships 'teamwork makes the dreamwork!'If both individuals are actively seeking God for themselves and learning how to be better for each other, the relationship is must less likely to fail.

Teamwork includes acknowledging each others weaknesses with love and practically taking steps to overcome them, for example setting boundaries in what you do or where you go before you get married. Another popular phase is 'if you fail to plan, you plan to fail' and I absolutely agree with this. Yes the right relationship should be filled with endless amounts of fun and beautiful memories but it should also be purpose filled. It is a waste of your time to be coasting along playing the 'Let's see how this goes' game when you know deep down you don't feel that peace in your heart that that is the man God has for you, even if he is saved. As a lifelong team you need to be practically planning ahead financially, investing in each others calling as well as your own and making sure you are morally on the same page. 

10. Nobody is perfect.

A lot of people have this perception that you need to be completely flaw free, whole and near enough perfect before you can be in a relationship. But, the reality is, though it  is advisable that you spend time dealing with some of your issues while you are single, some of your flaws won't even become obvious until you're in a relationship.
Confidence is a factor I personally find attractive, but I'm not talking about the guy that's feeling himself and acts like he's God gift to all women. I'm talking about the man thats confident enough to be honest, own his mistakes, be real about his issues, and not be afraid to be the only one to go against the crowd if he feels what they are doing is wrong. 

When you are married, you live under the same roof so its not 2 hour dates with you looking on fleek then going back home to wipe of of your mask to reveal the real you he's never seen before and enter back into your issues. In marriage you've got to keep it all the way real. It is a life long partnership. This is why it is important to be willing to work. Some of the married couples I have spoken to have said that marriage counseling realllllly tested them, and in some cases, it made them realise they hadn't fully dealt with or let go of issues from their past. I do believe factors such as knowing Gods vision for life before you get into a relationship are very important, but don't assume being tight with God makes you perfect. You need to remember when meeting someone, that they may have grown up completely different to you, had different experiences that may have positively or negatively effected them and have different strengths and weaknesses to you. So far as you both committed to each other and to God, be real and willing to address, encourage, learn and grow through these things together. Your partner is not coming to fill the voids in your life-Gods already got that covered. But God has specifically given you both certain skills and qualities that will help bring out the best in each e.g. where you may be weak, he may be strong. Through the process of praying over your current or future relationship, God will reveal to you the things you and/or your partner need to work on so be ready to work!

I hope you found these tips helpful and insightful. And for my single ladies out there meditate on these quotes below and remember you are already whole in Christ!

Photocredit: pinterest.com

 Feel free to drop me a comment or send me a message if you would like any further information or have anything you would like me to discuss.

Nobody's got you like He's Got you

Iz x

Some things you may want to check out:

BOOKS:

There are actually so many books out there on all the stages of Christian relationships but here are just a select few...

purchase here                    purchase here                  purchase here                purchase here

purchase here                                               purchase here

HEATHER AND CORNELIUS LINDSEY

Blogger and Author Heather Lindsey was defintelty a big influence on me accepting the calling to start my blog. Her keep it all the way real approach and incredible wisdom will defintely be a blessing to you!

Heather's Blog
How I Knew My Husband was the one  http://www.heatherllindsey.com/2012/03/how-i-knew-my-husband-was-one.html#.VkKg6WThCfR 

Making Your Relationship Work 101: Gods Way
http://www.heatherllindsey.com/2012/05/making-your-relationship-work-101-gods.html  

What every Marriage needs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P08NNSNl1A0  



Cornelius' Blog
 http://thebookofcornelius.blogspot.co.uk/ 

VICKY AND CAMERON LOGAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHukRkXgMfo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxysPSUHmuA

https://www.youtube.com/user/lifewiththelogans

A young and fun christian couple with both a beauty channel and vlog channel who share their journey through marriage and are great example of how much Kingdom Love rocks and never gets old! 

JAMIE AND NIKKI PERKINS

A beautiful couple based in the heart of Melbourne, with individually amazing life stories, they are a wonderful example of marrying your best friend and making the best of anything and everything life throws at you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=On88TgfQ_h8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVFFCaCOYsA 

SHERETTA AND BRANDON TAYLOR
https://www.youtube.com/user/WorthTheWait518/videos 

Check out their  ''Worth the Wait” series which shares their courtship journey and teaches on how to better shape your idea of Christian courtship and what it looks like when it’s a success.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BkCuY8ulYs