We need to consider that it's one thing to get into a relationship and it's another thing to sustain it. In other words:
Here are just a few of those ingredients...
1. KEEP GOD FIRST.
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The maintenance of walking in purpose and its fulfilment depends on the strength and consistency of the partnership between you and God. If you do not have a solid and consistent love and relationship with God first, it is so easy for your partner to become your God without you even realising it. Why? Because you spend so much time with them, you care about them, their words can effect you, their mood can influence yours. However all those things should be experienced first through your relationship with Christ. You should spend a lot of time with Him, care about and love Him, the words He has declared over your life should be what effects you, His word should influence your moods. Nobody has got you like He does. The more you individually as well as collectively seek God and root your relationship (both the good and bad aspects) in His will, the more it will grow and blossom into a positive, purposeful and productive union. The moment you allow cracks in your relationship to be filled by anything but Him, the wider you leave the door open for disaster and destruction of every and any form to enter.
As cheesy as it may sound, I view Christ as the ultimate navigation system. He knows our end destination, He knows the best route for us to get there, and will provide us with warnings of any danger or obstacles we may encounter on the way- it's up to us to follow Him and trust in His direction. And if at any point you get lost or turn off course just press reroute, go back to the source and He will redirect you to where you should be going.
video on keeping God first:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh-okYm7pZM
One of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is expecting our partner to just automatically know how we are feeling or know the effect their actions have on us.
Unless the two of you were brought up under the same rules, raised by the same parents with the same principles and had witnessed every life experience together from birth, there will always be something to learn from or about your partner.If you feel upset about something, giving your partner the cold shoulder with no explanation does not benefit your relationship.
Furthermore knowing your partners love languages will really help you to figure out the best way to communicate with them. Whilst for some, words of affirmation are an extremely important need, for others acts of service may be far more important. Depending on what your partner responds to best you need to be discerning of how you approach them. The more you communicate, the stronger your unit will become and the deeper your understanding on one another will be
Particularly in the case of arguments, effective and more importantly constructive communication is what can ultimately affect the outcome of the issue.
Lets put this into a scenario for example:
THE PROBLEM:
RESPONSE 1
As cliche and cheesy as this scenario may seem, the key thing to take away from it is that APPROACH IS KEY. We can't always control our partners' attitude or behaviour but WE CAN control our own. I always say 'Fighting fire with fire often results in someone getting burnt. Tackling fire with water, suppresses it and eventually cools it down.' In saying that I mean sometimes in relationships, we have to rise above our temporary feelings of anger, frustration or hurt, and focus on the greater good. This does not mean ignore any issues you may have and pretend everything is fine. Instead it means be wise about HOW you deal with those issues. Even if you may have initially been completely in the right, that doesn't give you license to go crazy and start attacking someone you supposedly love. If you're yelling or insulting your partner out of anger, do you really think they are going to hear or even be able to pick out your actual point in the midst of all the yelling and insults? Chances are, they are more likely to yell right back meaning you are now both offended and both too hyped up to actually hear each others points.
Even if your partner is 'in their feelings' and is approaching the situation in a negative way, you still have a choice to either retaliate or calm the situation down through your actions and gear it towards an adult discussion and create more mature environment in which both parties points can be heard and addressed.
3.SPEAK WITH LOVE
It is so easy when you are angry or feel misunderstood to say hurtful things that you know you don't mean, but that doesn't mean they don't hurt or leave scars. Even in the midst of your anger try to remember the greater good which is your love and the purpose of your union. For example, if you know your partner is sensitive to what they hear, if you have an issue with them, ensure your words are constructive and coming from a place of love,as opposed to offensive and destructive coming from a place of resentment and spite. No couple that genuinely loves each other actually enjoys arguing with their partner. Deep down you both just want to get back to being happy so try and ensure your individual actions are leading the situation in that direction.
4. HONESTY AND TRUST
Trust brings both freedom and security to a relationship. Having full trust in someone makes you feel fully comfortable to share yourselves via your thoughts, feelings, fears, issues and everything that makes you happy. When you can see that your partner has entrusted their thoughts and deeds to Gods will, and you can actively see that they are striving daily to be obedient to it, it makes it much easier to trust them.
To agree to spend the rest of your life with someone, you 100% need to trust them! How uncomfortable would it be to be living everyday suppressing your feelings or suspecting negative things, all because trust has been broken or was never fully there in the first place?
Foundation is everything! Start with the tools you intend to carry to the finish line so they will only get better with time! If you happen to be courting someone who has had their trust broken before, you also need to be sensitive to that, and ask God for wisdom and discernment as to how to establish trust in your union in practice as well as in theory.
To agree to spend the rest of your life with someone, you 100% need to trust them! How uncomfortable would it be to be living everyday suppressing your feelings or suspecting negative things, all because trust has been broken or was never fully there in the first place?
Foundation is everything! Start with the tools you intend to carry to the finish line so they will only get better with time! If you happen to be courting someone who has had their trust broken before, you also need to be sensitive to that, and ask God for wisdom and discernment as to how to establish trust in your union in practice as well as in theory.
5. BE YOURSELF
This is absolutely key if you want to maintain a healthy, long lasting relationship. The worst thing to do is to have a partner you got through a false pretence. When you are married there is no room for hiding. Your partner will see you in every format and setting both physically and emotionally, and ultimately he will never really love you for you is he doesn't even know who you truly are!
I always give this scenario to my friends whenever we have discussions about being yourself within marriage: If makeup becomes the security blanket you think played a fundamental role in getting your husband, you are already creating an environment that will make it difficult for you to be truly yourself. Realistically, you are not going to be able to wake up at 5am everyday before he wakes up, run to the bathroom to put on a full face of makeup then jump back to bed talking about 'I Woke Up Like This'. It's just not realistic and it says more about what you think of yourself than it does about what he thinks about you. It will feel a million times better to know that someone loves you for exactly who you are as opposed to the person you have created for them to believe you are.
For ladies, being yourself applies to both your physical and internal characteristics.
For example, let's say your partner spontanteously says he's taking you to dinner. Because this is a suprise you havent had time to plan an outfit or get your hair done etc. Now, you know for you to get your 'fleek on' it will take you at least 1 hour to get ready. You need to make sure your brows are on fleek, your face is beat and you contour brings out those cheekbones. But, you're frantically panicking because he's never seen you without all those things and you're conscious you won't be ready in time. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look great but you have to remind yourself that you did not come out of the womb with eyeshadow and lashes and hair extensions on. Make sure you still love you, not just what makeup can do! When you're married you will be living under the same roof, so at some point, your husband is going to witness those 1-2 hours you spend getting ready. You need to be comfortable with him seeing the before as well as the after.
Equally, if you can feel yourself changing or hiding you character just to impress or keep a man, you wont be able to keep up the facade forever. Most of the time if someone really cares about you they will see or sense when you're not being yourself. If you're not willing to be open about your flaws, they will manifest themselves in some area of your relationship so the sooner you are open and honest about who you are, the early you can discern what you can do to be even better.
6. SUPPORT
Be your spouses number one fan! God has a purpose for your union but He still assigned you an individual purpose too. Support and encourage each other in your careers and personal goals.Prayer is also SUPER important. Prayer is one of the most intimate ways you can connect with God and each other. Praying with and for one another covers your relationship in the strongest foundation, and prevents any outside or negative influences from getting involved and tampering with something God intended for greatness.
This means learning the right things to say as well as the wrong. Generally from spending time with your partner you will be able to determine what love languages are most important to them. You will be able to decipher what triggers make them happy and what makes them sad. Certain behaviours will make them feel incredibly loved, so explore those and find creative ways to implement them into your relationship.
7.BE WILLING TO LISTEN AND LEARN
8. SELFLESSNESS
When you get married you are committing to the idea that you constantly give up little pieces of your pride, ego and selfishness with each new lesson. While it is still important to have 'me time' when you are married, the nature of this union means you are one in the same with your partner. Therefore you shouldn't make unwise or selfish choices as they will inevitably effect your partner and your family. In your decision making, be wise and consider how your choices will effect your partner and this will help you determine if it is even worth it. 9.KEEP IT FRESH
Life can be quickly become an overwhelming and monotonous cycle of working, paying bills, keeping up the house, and trying to make room for time to sleep. This can mean having time for one another or keeping the relationship 'fun' can become much more challenging. Keeping it fresh sometimes means working against routine. Dinner and a movie are not the only ways to have a date. Spontaneity can keep things exciting and creative, and establish beautiful and unique memories! Every couple has different love languages and activities that make them happy and strengthen their bond so explore those. Why not practice Random Acts of Kindness as opposed to doing things at predictable occasions. Try both indoor and outdoor date nights, group dates, bible study or game nights with other couples, Holidays, spa days, bond over a mutual passion e.g. if it's music, go to a concert together, study a book together, Build something together, do an outdoor activity together, go to a new destination together, try something for the first time together, document your journey etc. There are limitless ways to keep things fresh and fun ! 
No seed develops into a flower without adding nutrients, but furthermore a flower that only has sun will eventually die just as easy as a flower that only has water will. Both parties are necessary for growth. The same principle applies to marriage.
It cannot run on autopilot, but takes a willing spirit and continual effort to make a relationships continue to grow and flourish. Consult each other in decision making and protect your union with joint prayer and counsel from God first and foremost not outsiders.
Though these are not all the key ingredients for a successful relationships, these are just a few that could help or add to the knowledge you already have.
Whether you learnt something new or were reminded of something you had forgotten I hope you were encouraged! x
Check out some of these videos sharing relationship advice:
DEVON FRANKLIN AND MEAGAN GOOD FRANKLIN
Finding True Love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gR6QswzYPcQ
How I found my husband https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDnoF_O_3Jo
Purchase their new book 'The Wait' HERE
TOURE ROBERTS AND SARAH JAKES ROBERTSHow they met and tools for a successful relationship
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13MXWH8RiFo
5 Keys to identifying your soulmate
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJutjZ5mm9E
Principles of Male and Female Relationships
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP5emoA7xpM
Laws of Love and Marriage
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6A8l3OQyEsg
Kingdom Culture of Relationships (skip to 24.25)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIIQ5SfwMYQ
ALDUAN AND MECCA TARTT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wjnx2IvQKjs
Love the read!
ReplyDeleteI pray that as you continue to pour out yourself into the blogs that God will continue to pour into you so that you can continue to inspire and spark the minds of those that read!