RELATIONSHIPS: BEFORE YOU BEGIN...

The inspiration for this post stemmed from a conversation I had with some of my girls regarding our 'list' -yep, most women have one- a.k.a. all the ingredients that would make up our perfect guy.
I spent most of the conversation listening and observing others, and I was fascinated by all the differences in opinions,  and the priorities and attributes different women focused on the most. 


The majority of what I heard was something along the lines of:

1. He needs to be a christian and go to church
2. He needs to have a job
3. He needs to earn minimum £28,000 a year
4. He needs to be a similar culture to me so we can eat the same things and he'll get along with my family
5. He needs to be at least 5 ft 11- 6 ft 3
6. I don't want a crazy mother in law
7. He needs to have a car
8. He better be hitting the gym and he can't be missing 'leg day'
9. He has to have a gorgeous smile
10. We need to be morally compatible.

Now don't get me wrong, some of these points are valid, and in some cases necessary, but to me, not all these attributes sound like they were suggested by someone who has really thought about and understood the long term purpose and skills required for a successful marriage. 


From spending time in prayer, reading my bible, books (i'll recommend some at the end), speaking to my mum, christian couples and mentors that inspire me, I began to formulate a much deeper understanding on relationships, which I shared with my friends, and I explained why my list would consist of some slightly different things.

One thing to mention is that there is nothing wrong with having preferences- in fact they are important. God gives them to us for a reason. Without them we would have no standards and would settle for anything and everything that came our way. 

Im not going to give an entire breakdown of the man I believe God has for me 
specifically (that's between me and God for now =] ) However, I do want to share some of the factors I think we should consider as woman before entering a relationship...

1. Not My Will but Yours Be Done. 

Lets not forget that as much as we have all these preferences, ideas and 'relationship goals', ultimately God knows AND has what is Best for us. God didn't make us as empty vessels but as women with purpose and with a vision. Therefore the man He has for you who should also have a purpose and a vision, should be in alignment with that. But, that will only happen if you stay in alignment with Gods will.


2. His love for me will be a reflection of his love for Christ and will be demonstrated in the way he treats me. He should love Christ more than he loves Me. 
He can only have my heart once Christ has captured his.
I highly recommend reading Ephesians 5 and really meditating on it. 
If you are looking at Instagram or celebrities that jump in and out of relationships as often as they change their clothes as your aspiration, then your priorities are definitely in the wrong place. Just like Ephesians 5:17 says 'do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.' You can never truly say you love your spouse if you do not truly understand what that actually consists of. The more you educate yourself the more your 'list' will become more and more specific and catered to the purpose you know God has for you and what that will mean for your marriage. Gaining more wisdom and experience in Gods love will also make it much easier to discern what is definitely not for you so you don't waste your time or somebody else's. Being in a relationship with someone who it truly committed to God will 1000% affect that they commit to you.



3. His actions should be confirmation of his words. 

-Ashley Bradley

Being in a relationship with someone who is committed to the Lord, will affect the way that they commit to you.
If he tells you he has a thorough understanding of what God instructs as the role of a husband, don't just take that his word it. A real man who wants to pursue you will have no problem proving it. He will take pride in being loyal, honest, hardworking, taking you out, 'wooing' you and being faithful to you and to God. Do not be blinded or get caught up in the sweet serenades of 'I love you' or 'You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen' or 'I'm going to buy a house in a months time'. Actually listen to the words the guy is saying to you. Studying character is extremely important. Do not think you fully know someone based on first impressions alone. Observe how he acts when his boys are around. What kind of relationship does he have with his parents? How does he behave when he is angry? How does he behave when he is sad? Is he wise with his money? Does he actually have an active daily relationship with God or does he just go to church? How does he deal with your arguments or issues? Do his actions match his words or disprove them?

4. You should feel Christ's covering and peace in your relationship.
Take my advice- NEVER ignore the voice of God!  I remember being in a position where I was getting annoyed at God for not allowing me to feel the peace that I knew I was supposed to feel. But if I am honest with myself, deep down I knew I was not being treated the way God wanted me to be treated and I knew that His plan for my life was greater. And once I truly listened and acted on His voice I felt at true peace.

Whenever you feel or hear that still small voice or yelling scream urging you to get out of a situation, listen to it. I promise you nobody in the world can ever love you the way God loves you, so if He's telling you to close a door its because he's already prepared the one you are supposed to open and could be saving you from heartache and disaster! Being unequally yoked in any way is not fun!
Part of knowing you are with 'The One' includes experiencing that 'peace that surpassess all understanding' (Phillipians 4:17). You want to be able to walk down the isle with the biggest sense of joy and without a shadow of doubt that this is the man God had intended for you.


5.Physical attraction counts too.

There are 7 billion people in this world, so there are undoubtedly plenty of good looking or just genuinely nice guys out there that you may see as 'potentials'.
However, do not make the mistake of assuming that just because a guy is Christian, automatically he must be 'the one'. From my own experience being single, I went through a stage where quite a few Christian guys approached me with 'interest' (the non-christian ones are not even worth mentioning at this stage) and in some cases, though a nice guy, there was no physical attraction and I'd find myself asking God 'is it bad that I don't like person X in that way, because they seem to really love you and I'm sure they would treat me well?'. But if I liked every single guy that was christian I would be spoilt for choice!
God reminded me about my purpose, and that as much as my faith would be the solid rock my marriage would stand on, there are specific qualities that extend beyond that.  There are skills, gifts, a vision etc that he has placed in my future husband specifically, due to our individual and collective purpose, which will include factors such as physical attraction so I shouldn't just block that part out. Needless to say, Looks do fade. Grey hairs, not so perky boobs, weight changes are all part of life. Though it shouldnt be the main or only reason for being with someone, God wants us to enjoy looking at that man for the rest of our life so settling for what we don't want, means we're setting ourselves up to live constantly desiring something more, which brings me to my next point..


6. Do not settle for less than what you know God wants for you.

Photocredit: www.letstalkaboutwork.tv

For all the ladies that have ever contemplated settling for a guy just because he's Christian but you feel no physical connection or chemistry and do not have the peace of God in your decision, I kindly ask you to wake up and rebuke that thought immediately!

A friend of mine told me the other day that she feels like 'finding the right guy is long' (translation: difficult/too much effort). When I asked her why, she said she feels like all the guys she finds somewhat attractive have the most horrendous attitudes and lifestyles and though she has met a lot of christian guys, she hasn't found one she is attracted to yet so she feels like its not possible to meet a 'hot' guy who isn't an arrogant player. I couldn't laugh or give her one super deep inspirational answer because to be honest, I used to think the same way. But I told her what God taught me- that women usually say that either due to being mistreated in the past by someone who didn't love her like God does, or simply because of a lack of faith. God reminded me that when He said 'seek first the Kingdom and ALL other things shall be added' He meant what He said! You will never know what the real love feels like if you keep compromising your worth.

Anytime we assume we cannot achieve or attain the best in life, it is a reflection of how we view the power of God and His plan for our lives. 

 purchase HERE

7. The wedding is just ONE day, the marriage is a LIFETIME. 

photocredit: happywivesclub.com

With the increasing boom in engagements and weddings, it is very easy to get sucked into the hype. People can easily become so consumed by what colour we want our bridesmaids to wear or deciding whether to come in on a horse drawn carriage or a rolls royce, that we spend much less time focusing on the part that actually counts-the marriage.
And of course, by all means our wedding days should and will be amazing, but that should not be the focal point or main reason for saying yes and rocking the ring.
If you're making a list of your perfect man due to the fact that you just want the 6ft guy with the blue eyes that will look fresh in that white tux and make all your girls envious, but you know you haven't taken any time to consider the skills and factors that make up a great marriage, then your priorities are in the wrong place. You need to have prayed about, planned and prepared for marital life in whatever way necessary e.g. pre-marriage counseling. Knowing your marriage has a purpose will enable to have a clear vision for your union, but it takes two. Your husband should also have a vision beyond the wedding day. If your partner has no idea what they are supposed to be doing with their life, what exactly do you think they are going to do with yours?

8. Invest in You.

Photocredit: @Gentlemenhood Instagram

Don't just sit there for hours at a time daydreaming about going on a date or getting proposed to.
(#RelationshipGoals #MCM#WCW)
Use this season of singleness to get your morals and thoughts in check. 
There is no point looking for love if you are not emotionally or spiritually ready for it.

''Get yourself ready because when God brings you the right person you have to be ready to receive them. But if you're already not feeling great about who you are, no person is going to be able to fill you up''
- Devon Franklin


Women generally put a lot of thought into what their man needs to look like or what he needs to have, but we forget to evaluate ourselves and consider what we need to work on or what we will need to bring to the table in a relationship. 

You need to ask yourself:

- What do God and my husband require of me as a wife? 
- Do I have an idea of Gods vision for my life? 
- What is my purpose? 
- What am I doing to get that in motion? 
- Do I have a serious relationship with God that will be sustained even when I'm in a relationship?
- Do I love ME? (if you don't, you're making it easier for someone to disrespect or take advantage of you)
- What do I love about me? 
- Do I carry myself in a way that is even worth pursuing?
- Do I have a clear understanding of the type of relationship I want to have?
- What are my Love Languages and what are his?  find out here
- Have I fully dealt with any issues I may have had in previous relationships?
- What have I learnt from past relationships?
- What am I going to bring to the table? 
- What do I expose my senses to? porn? songs that glorify sex? 
- Who do I associate with?- how many of your friends are in successful kingdom relationships? are they good or inspiring company?
- Do I have a concrete idea of the boundaries I will need to set? 
- What are my issues and struggles? 
- What do I need to improve about myself and am I actively doing so?
- Am I actually ready to keep things all the way 100 with someone and undergo some personal development as a result? 

An example of self investment 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDnoF_O_3Jo

photocredit: facebook.com

video on abstinence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5GmggASwwA

9. They should encourage and join you in your walk with Christ not steer you away from Him. You can't expect a harvest from something you are not sowing into. 

photo credit: faithisart.wordpress.com

Do not make the mistake of spending so much time praying for a 'bae' that when you finally get one you are so consumed with him and the whole idea of 'being in love' that he becomes your God. Even in a relationship with two steadfast christians, without consistent prayer, covering and seeking wisdom, all you are doing is leaving the door open for the enemy to find even the tiniest weakness and use it to destroy the entire relationship. 

It's not just about romantic walks in the sun- if you want to be part of a purpose filled and God ordained unit then you're going to need to be having some of those romantic walks with The Son! 

As cliche as it sounds, in relationships 'teamwork makes the dreamwork!'If both individuals are actively seeking God for themselves and learning how to be better for each other, the relationship is must less likely to fail.

Teamwork includes acknowledging each others weaknesses with love and practically taking steps to overcome them, for example setting boundaries in what you do or where you go before you get married. Another popular phase is 'if you fail to plan, you plan to fail' and I absolutely agree with this. Yes the right relationship should be filled with endless amounts of fun and beautiful memories but it should also be purpose filled. It is a waste of your time to be coasting along playing the 'Let's see how this goes' game when you know deep down you don't feel that peace in your heart that that is the man God has for you, even if he is saved. As a lifelong team you need to be practically planning ahead financially, investing in each others calling as well as your own and making sure you are morally on the same page. 

10. Nobody is perfect.

A lot of people have this perception that you need to be completely flaw free, whole and near enough perfect before you can be in a relationship. But, the reality is, though it  is advisable that you spend time dealing with some of your issues while you are single, some of your flaws won't even become obvious until you're in a relationship.
Confidence is a factor I personally find attractive, but I'm not talking about the guy that's feeling himself and acts like he's God gift to all women. I'm talking about the man thats confident enough to be honest, own his mistakes, be real about his issues, and not be afraid to be the only one to go against the crowd if he feels what they are doing is wrong. 

When you are married, you live under the same roof so its not 2 hour dates with you looking on fleek then going back home to wipe of of your mask to reveal the real you he's never seen before and enter back into your issues. In marriage you've got to keep it all the way real. It is a life long partnership. This is why it is important to be willing to work. Some of the married couples I have spoken to have said that marriage counseling realllllly tested them, and in some cases, it made them realise they hadn't fully dealt with or let go of issues from their past. I do believe factors such as knowing Gods vision for life before you get into a relationship are very important, but don't assume being tight with God makes you perfect. You need to remember when meeting someone, that they may have grown up completely different to you, had different experiences that may have positively or negatively effected them and have different strengths and weaknesses to you. So far as you both committed to each other and to God, be real and willing to address, encourage, learn and grow through these things together. Your partner is not coming to fill the voids in your life-Gods already got that covered. But God has specifically given you both certain skills and qualities that will help bring out the best in each e.g. where you may be weak, he may be strong. Through the process of praying over your current or future relationship, God will reveal to you the things you and/or your partner need to work on so be ready to work!

I hope you found these tips helpful and insightful. And for my single ladies out there meditate on these quotes below and remember you are already whole in Christ!

Photocredit: pinterest.com

 Feel free to drop me a comment or send me a message if you would like any further information or have anything you would like me to discuss.

Nobody's got you like He's Got you

Iz x

Some things you may want to check out:

BOOKS:

There are actually so many books out there on all the stages of Christian relationships but here are just a select few...

purchase here                    purchase here                  purchase here                purchase here

purchase here                                               purchase here

HEATHER AND CORNELIUS LINDSEY

Blogger and Author Heather Lindsey was defintelty a big influence on me accepting the calling to start my blog. Her keep it all the way real approach and incredible wisdom will defintely be a blessing to you!

Heather's Blog
How I Knew My Husband was the one  http://www.heatherllindsey.com/2012/03/how-i-knew-my-husband-was-one.html#.VkKg6WThCfR 

Making Your Relationship Work 101: Gods Way
http://www.heatherllindsey.com/2012/05/making-your-relationship-work-101-gods.html  

What every Marriage needs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P08NNSNl1A0  



Cornelius' Blog
 http://thebookofcornelius.blogspot.co.uk/ 

VICKY AND CAMERON LOGAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHukRkXgMfo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxysPSUHmuA

https://www.youtube.com/user/lifewiththelogans

A young and fun christian couple with both a beauty channel and vlog channel who share their journey through marriage and are great example of how much Kingdom Love rocks and never gets old! 

JAMIE AND NIKKI PERKINS

A beautiful couple based in the heart of Melbourne, with individually amazing life stories, they are a wonderful example of marrying your best friend and making the best of anything and everything life throws at you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=On88TgfQ_h8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVFFCaCOYsA 

SHERETTA AND BRANDON TAYLOR
https://www.youtube.com/user/WorthTheWait518/videos 

Check out their  ''Worth the Wait” series which shares their courtship journey and teaches on how to better shape your idea of Christian courtship and what it looks like when it’s a success.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BkCuY8ulYs 

MY UNIVERSITY EXPERIENCE

Hey Guys!

First off let me start by saying thank you for all the positive feedback I have received so far on my university series! I'm glad it has been able to help so many people! =]
Nevertheless,  as much as I have given you guys lots of generic tips and tricks for surviving in university, I thought it would also be nice to give some more personal advice and share some of my own experiences with you all !
During my time at university I learnt a lot of great life lessons and skills that I will definitely carry into my future and will hopefully help you too..


1. KNOW AND LOVE YOURSELF. 

©fractalenlightenment.com

This makes making decisions in university sooo much easier. Knowing yourself encompasses different factors, but they will all result in you
- Being confident in who you are inside and out-
When I started university, I realised very quickly just how diverse of an environment it really is. It almost felt like a mini-city and you really do meet people from all walks of life, different countries, different cultures etc. From a female perspective, this made me realise the important of confidence early on. As a fresher, for the most part, people are meeting you for the very first time so whatever appearance/character you present them with, they use to try that to assume what type of person you are. However, as a young woman if you are not comfortable or confident in yourself, being around a new bunch of young women can make you feel even more insecure or make you start questioning your appearance or personality as you want to be accepted and perceived the right way.

©kimmiegee.com

MYTH: Being over the top to hide insecurities, means I'm more likely to make friends
REALITY: The truth is if you don't even know who you are and what makes you unique and awesome, other people are not going to know either! Don't get me wrong, we don't all wake up everyday, look in mirror and think 'Beyonce ain't got nothing on me' then strut through campus feeling like a million dollars. But, a big part of the independence of university life also makes it a place of self discovery. So just continue to be you and discover more and more wonderful things that make you unique and amazing along the way.
I can honestly say being confident in who I was really made people respect me and also helped me gain the right type of friends.

©pinterest

2. BE BOLD, SURE AND PROUD OF WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN -
My relationship with God has been an extremely fundamental part in shaping the path in which my university experience took.
Let's be real, a lot of people have this perception that-
MYTH: 'being a Christian and going to university means ''you are limited'' because ''you can't go out'', ''you can't have fun'', ''it's true, you will just miss out on the wild side of life''.
REALITY: False!
I have had an absolutely amazing experience so far and if anything, my faith actually made it much easier for me to have fun. How you ask? Well look at it this way-
My faith reminds me that I am made in the image and likeness of God (Gen 1:26)  and that my body is a temple (1 Corin 6:9). In applying that to my life I already knew:
- I wanted to be a good example and inspire others- so I knew to behave in a way which reflected the characteristics of Christ and would even encourage others to seek him further, or for the first time




- Jumping From Guy to Guy was never an option. 

I love and respect myself way too much to allow any guy to even consider taking advantage of me, and I made sure my character never gave them the impression or opportunity to see me in the same light or category as the girls I knew lived a totally different lifestyle. Needless to say this doesn't mean you won't get approached or be told you're 'stoosh' 'dry' etc if you don't seem interested, but to be honest I didn't care. I knew and was confident in the woman God wanted me to be so I wasn't about to compromise my morals or my faith for anyone and the right people would respect me for that.
MYTH: 'University is such a free and diverse environment, so it's ok to 'broaden my horizons'. If I'm going to be meeting all these hot, older 'mature' guys and maybe find 'bae' then I want to stand out, so if I have to dress or act a certain way to do that it's not that serious.'' 
REALITY: No real MAN would look at the GIRL with the shortest skirt, the barely-there bodycon or the over the top flirtatious attitude and immediately think 'yeah that's my wife right there'.  And more importantly a WOMAN who respects and loves herself would be interested in the MAN God has for her and wouldn't need validation or want to be solely lusted after by a bunch of different BOYS.

©www.fitnessquotesimg.com

3. BE WISE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENTS YOU EXPOSE YOURSELF TO 
Particularly when it came to going out, having clear morals and knowing what I did and didn't like, made me much more discerning of the type of events I went to and the type of people I would associate with.
MYTH: Christians can never go out at uni, they are so antisocial
REALITY: I met most of my good friends through socialising and going to events!
The importance of my faith and my morals meant that I was not someone who was easily influenced, so if I did go out, my intention for the night was not to get completely drunk, go YOLO crazy, loose control or fall all over the place and get with a bunch of guys (I know not everyone does this). Even if you have the best friends in the world you are ultimately responsible for yourself, so be wise and make your future self proud!
Being that my interests lay heavily in performing arts I would attend a lot of the live open mic or talent showcases on my campus with my friends as well as other events around London so boredom was never really a factor.
But who says you have to go out to have fun? My best friend and I hosted several movie nights, games nights and cook ups which meant we didn't even have to leave our flat as everyone came to us and we still had tons of fun!

4. DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE DIFFERENT.

©quotesgram.com

MYTH: If you act differently to everyone else you wont be able to make friends

©lockerdome.com

REALITY: From my experience I have realised that being a Christian means that not everyone is going to like you or what you believe in- but that's just life and that's ok. God already informs us that though we are in this world we are not of this world (John 17:14-15) so there's just certain things we wont do simply because we're just 'not about that life'. Even on my specific course, I met people of different religions and cultures but I respected them all and likewise they did the same. And, if someone ever asked me why I didn't want to do something, I just kept it real with them and though they may not have always agreed, they respected me for being firm in my decisions and standing up for my beliefs. If you flip flop in your beliefs and constantly compromise your morals, you not only show a lack of strength in your character but you also make it much more difficult for people to take you seriously.


5. BE WISE ABOUT THE COMPANY YOU KEEP.

My Best Friend

I really thank God for blessing me with the most amazing friends at university and people I can genuinely say are going to be life long friends, especially my best friend (shoutout to Harriet!).
During the first month of university, everyone is still trying to find their feet and that includes making new friends. I think that what helped me make good friends was finding like-minded people. Having like-minded friends meant I was around people that shared similar morals and constantly encouraged me in my talents, and we all motivated each other to do well and use our time effectively. For example if we had an event to go to on the weekend we would make sure we used our free time during the week to go to the library and get our work done so our academic work wouldn't be compromised.

©cauldronsandcupcakes.com

I would also stress the importance of being patient and taking time to really observe character. You may find that the sweetest, quietest girl in your lecture could be the wildest 'turn-up queen' at night lol! Spending time with people in different settings gave me a much more accurate idea of their character. I also found that joining societies also made making friends much easier as you usually join due to a common interest in a particular area, which makes starting conversations no way near as intimidating. In my first year, I joined the Afro-Carribean Society and a Christian Society called 'Kairos' which meant I attended various socials, concerts and outings for each society meaning I met a lot of new people and made some great friends.


6. INVEST, EXPLORE AND PUSH ALL YOUR GIFTS TO THEIR FULLEST
From my experience, I found that University is a place that really allows you to explore all your talents and discover the vast amount of opportunities the world has to offer.
Using your gifts is a great way to develop them and one of the ways this can be done is by joining societies.
MY STORY: Before I applied to be a student at my university I actually had the opportunity to perform there with the artist I currently work with, which I now believe was all part of Gods plan. Though I was interested and considering applying to the university, this gave me a chance to see the 'student experience' and 'nightlife' first hand,  as opposed to all the 'cute stuff' they show us at the open days lol. Coming here I could honestly say I felt a sense of peace and like I already belonged so applying that same year and getting accepted as a student, there really was no place like home! 
As mentioned before, I went to a lot of the Afro-Caribbean society events on campus particularly the music, poetry, dance and drama showcases. However, being recognised from previously being part of an act that had come to perform here, my experience ended up getting me appointed to be the Head of Music for the Afro-Caribbean society. This meant that instead of attending events, I now contributed to running them! The experience was definitely a blessing and I met some amazingly talented, funny and creative people along the way.

However, as much as I loved music I also felt that I really had a heart for people. I loved to make people laugh and to be a help or support system for my friends whenever I could. So when my best friend informed me that she was thinking of applying for an on campus job as a Student Mentor I figured I would jump at the chance too! But in the end my best friend ended up forgetting the application deadline as God had another role as President of another society lined up for her. I on the other hand, really felt this role suited my skill sets and kept thinking about it, as I loved helping and meeting people and learning about different cultures and lifestyles. After various stages of interviews I got the job and thoroughly enjoyed it, so much so that they recruited me again for my final year!
On both occasions I genuinely believe God was making a way for me to utilise my gifts even in an unexpected environment, but its my obedience and commitment that helped me obtain the roles and develop my talents. Both have made me even more determined and committed to
 'push myself in everything I do, and trust that God will always see me through' (cheesy but true)

All in all, I can definitely say I have thoroughly enjoyed my university experience and all the new friends, skills and adventures I have gained along the way have been more than awesome! 
My relationship with God was definitely the largest factor in ensuring I had the best and most rewarding experience and I hope sharing my experiences and advice will encourage all of you young Christians who are in, or are about to embark on this journey that it can and will be amazing !

Stay blessed!

Izzy x

FRESHERS WEEK AND BEYOND...

©urbanediary.blogspot.com

The first week/month of university is usually the most memorable, as you are embarking on a brand new journey and essentially, a brand new chapter of your life! Here are some of my top tips to help you get through 3 of the tasks you may face in your first term at university: 

- Moving In

- Making the Most of Freshers Week

- Lectures, Seminars and Assignments. 

1. MOVE IN DAY

©hdwallpaperslovely.com

From my own experience, move in day was both a fun and stressful experience because: I didn't want to leave anything behind, I was excited to be living in a new environment and I was curious to see what it would be like living with strangers and sharing communal spaces like the kitchen.

Some tips that helped me were:

1. Pack in advance. Leaving things till the last minute means you are more likely to forget something and leave things behind!

2. Make sure you know where you are going! Some university campuses are hugeeee so make sure you find the entrance nearest to your specific halls of residence, so you don't end up lugging suitcases from one end of campus to the other!

3. Keep important documents such as ID and your accommodation and enrolment confirmation at hand so it will make moving in quick and easy

4. Secure your space! Particularly with communal areas like the kitchen it is important to ensure you secure fridge, freezer and cupboard space but also be considerate of your other flatmates.
Top tip: to prevent food theft and potential arguments, always lock your cupboards when they are not in use (but dont loose the key! lol) 

5. Be open, be confident, be friendly! Talk to your flatmates. Though this can be nerve racking, remember you are going to be living with them for an entire school year. The earlier you communicate, the earlier you can find common interests and also set ground rules and/or rotas for your flat if necessary. Particularly if you're living in a flat with other freshers thats all the more reason to talk! You are all in the same boat and can learn together, and you all come from a unique background. (use those differences as conversation starters and you will be amazed what you will learn plus, you may end up living with someone who does the same course as you!) University is such a diverse place that you may find you're living with someone who has just arrived from another country and was brought up on the other side of the world in a different climate and culture! This provides you potential to learn a new dish or two and make new connections! 

2. FRESHERS WEEK

This is definitely one of the most exciting weeks of university particularly for a Fresher as this essentially gives you a sneak preview of the infamous 'university life'. Every club and society is putting their best foot forward either through live events, showcases or simply an amazing stand at Freshers Fair; all in the hope of getting you to join them.

My top tips for Freshers Week are:

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1. As early as possible make sure you complete all online and physical enrolment/registration procedures and connect all your devices to the university Wifi.

2. Make a budget plan. This is the best time to start planning your expenditure for the term, ensuring that you set aside money to pay off your accommodation fees for the term and also money for books and essentials such as weekly food. You may also want to consider making a meal plan.

3. Get a timetable of the week and Choose Your Events. Find out from flatmates or student mentors where you can get one so that you are aware in advance of all the events taking place and can plan and select the ones you would like to attend. Keep up to date with events throughout the year so you can make the most of it.

4. Keep a university map on Standby. This will make navigating around to check out all the facilities so much easier, especially if your campus is huge and you need to know where your lecture buildings are.

5. Learn where all the essential spots are. This will usually include one on-site food shop, the library,  lecture halls, sports/gym facilities, medical centre, finance/cash office, your halls of residence.

6. Go to Freshers Fayre.  If you want to find out what extra curricular facilities, clubs, qualifications, etc are available then this is the absolute best place to go! All societies, from pottery to Afro-Carribbean to dance will all be there, to promote and inform you of what they do and encourage you to sign up and join them. There are all types of societies from academic, to sports, to cultural, to religious to creative arts so you're bound to find something you'll enjoy. Attending society events is also a great way to make friends as you've all chosen to be there due to a common interest! Throughout the year you will begin to realise which societies/clubs you would like to stick with or not- and who knows, you may end up creating your very own! In addition, Local businesses and restaurants usually stop by too, to inform you of their existence (e.g. Dominos Pizza, Nandos, Taxi companies) and provide you loads of freebies, vouchers and incentives for you to use their services! 

3. PREPARING FOR LECTURES, SEMINARS AND ASSIGNMENTS

Once the excitement from Freshers Week has worn off, its time to remember why you came to university in the first place- to get a degree!

1. Know where you are going. To avoid being late to your very first lecture, make sure you know exactly where you are going in advance and are familiar with how to get there.

2. Have your resources ready. Be it a pen and pad, laptop or dictaphone, take whatever you need with you to ensure you get the most out of your lectures.

3. Do the essential readings. Doing these prior to each lecture will ensure you have a deeper understanding of the topic. Doing the readings for seminars will not only ensure you actually have something to say during them, but will also make them much more interesting and informative for you as you can both share and receive ideas. 

4. Plan Ahead. The earlier you start your assignments the more time you can spend perfecting them. Particularly if you get multiple assignments at one time, planning ahead will enable to spread your time effectively and allow you to do your best in every area of study. 

5. Time Management. For university this is absolutely essential! University exams and assignments simply aren't something you can just wing and expect to do really well. They require proper effort and attention which requires time. Particularly if you have a job or extra curricular activity or simply just want to have a social life, effective time management and prioritising the right things will make all of that possible. Remember late work gets capped!

6. Use all the resources around you! As much as the internet is great lets not forget to use the library too! and don't be afraid to book an appointment with your lecturer or personal tutor if you need additional help. If you don't ask, you don't learn and you stay stuck!

7. Find a good study group. This may not work for everyone, but for some having a study group or friends who also do your course can be great. You can share ideas and you will each have someone you are accountable to to make sure you complete your work on time!

All these skills will teach you how to be independent and will help strengthen your character and prepare you for when you enter the real world

Hope you found this helpful and enjoy your first term at university! x

Izzy =]