It's been FOREVER! lol
But exam season is over so let me bring you up to speed with everything that's been going on. Im sharing this because I felt led to and even if it encourages just one person I'm happy =]
This season has truly been challenging, mentally and physically draining, and emotionally exhausting.
Yet looking back now, I can definitely say that my character, my priorities and my relationship with God have all been built up stronger than they have ever been before and I am definitely not the same woman I was when I started!
Heres how it all began...
At the beginning of my final year at university, things were off to a great start:
I was on top of my work, I had a good balance with my social life, I was being blessed with new opportunities and I was just in a generally good space. I entered the New Year on a huge high and was ready to enjoy the upcoming season.
I went from being an extremely active and bubbly busy bee, to being someone constantly trying to combat severe fatigue, I was physically drained and in pain and was passing out unexpectedly. Meanwhile, I was still trying to be a 'normal university student' and attend all my lectures, be there for my friends, go to work, and be an active member in all my extracurricular commitments and projects.
DISASTER 2: Towards the end of February, having completed about 2/3 of my final year project, which was due in the next two weeks, disaster number 2 struck. At the time, there had been a sudden splurge of break-ins and accidents in the local area around my church.
On the 22nd February whilst I was chatting with friends after church, a friend pulled me to the side and he explained in the calmest way possible that my car had unfortunately become the next victim of the random break ins. Though it was locked, it had sadly been smashed into. Having been given a few days off from university, I had planned to visit home and do some work whilst I was there, hence most of my personal belongings were locked away inside the car. However, as a result of the break in, the entire contents of my car was stolen including my laptop with ALL of my university work and personal projects, the USB that had backups of all my work, my clothes and my cosmetics etc.I could let the clothes and cosmetics slide (even though us ladies know that stuff is not cheap!), but it was the fact that my almost 13000 word final year project, all my other assignments, and my personal projects had all gone -for good.
Meanwhile my health condition was continuing to worsen, but being an incredibly private woman, I had told no one about it. That was until I blacked out twice in the gym whilst with one of my friends who then had to hold me up and help carry me out. At this point I realised I had to just stop going altogether which my doctors confirmed was best for the sake of my health, but I was so frustrated, especially being the one who had put together my 'Gym Squad'. I was disappointed that I suddenly became unexplainably M.I.A from all our sessions and couldn't tell the girls why.
By this point I was having regular hospital visits and tests with specialists and was constantly tired. I had generally become isolated from most people and was running on minimal energy constantly just praying for strength to complete all my work on time and still be able to graduate.
But that wasn't the end of my problems.
DISASTER 3: At the beginning of April, a large group of friends from
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| My Injuries were no joke! |
The day had been sooo much fun and I was in such a good mood. I had just dropped off a friend home and was making my own way home when all of a sudden whilst on a flyover I was hit by an over speeding vehicle and consequently flung forward, busted my lip open, had injuries to my neck and back, bleeding down my arm and was in excruciating pain. If only you could see the position of my car on the flyover, please believe me when I say God truly saved my life!
After being helped by the police, discharged from hospital and having my car repaired, I was stuck on bedrest for a minimum of two to three weeks in order to make a full recovery from my injuries.
As a result, day to day tasks became mission impossible. Dealing with two seperate medical issues at once, being in pain 24/7, going to work, trying to somehow re-do all my assignments by a fastly approaching deadline, trying continue all my external projects, life had just become too much.
By this point I was starting to give up on everything. I was grateful that God had spared my life, but I just didn't have the mental or physical strength to carry on and I was honestly frustrated and exhausted. I was trying to figure out what I had done to deserve all these mishaps. I started reflecting on all the hours and all nighters I had invested into all my work that was now gone. I started getting more and more angry that my health was out of my control. But deep down I didn't want to give up, so I just pressed on and managed to hand in my dissertation by the extended deadline (I ended up receiving a First Class Award for my dissertation! #LookAtGod). However I still had to prepare for my exam and complete my final assignments.
My health continued to worsen and take its toll on me so one night I had planned to go to A&E, but I kept feeling something telling me I didn't need to go and that I just needed to pray. Though to be honest I was in that 'im not trying to hear that right now' kind of mood, I knew something was reminding me that I already possessed the power of the Holy Spirit so I was going to be fine. So I decided to just pray and I didn't go.Instead, that same night, I ended up in A&E for a completely different reason, helping a friend of mine who was going through quite a drastic situation. The moment we arrived I knew God had put me in place that night, and equipped me with the words and the support to help her instead of myself, because I was already taken care of. I remember sitting in the waiting room in shock, thinking about how this was supposed to me. I had felt so distraught and drained earlier that night but the moment my friend was in need I completely rejected any thoughts of myself and just told myself by the power of the Holy Spirit I will be ok. But even after that day passed, I was still having moments of major anxiety and doubt, thinking about the uncertainty of graduating.
DISASTER 4: My exam day came and I generally felt ok in the morning and had revised. My health was continuing to deteriorate but I've always had a go-getter attitude, so I figured I could make it through the 3 hours with no problem. However 3/4 of the way through the exam I could feel my body totally shutting down and I had to leave the exam room at one point. I shortly returned and tried to continue, but I could barely keep the pen in my hand and could feel it constantly sliding off the table as I was blacking out. Feeling slightly embarassed to get up again in front of thousands of students, I whispered a prayer with the little energy I had left, and forced myself to finish the exam, though being so drained, I had absolutely no idea what I had written.
I left immediately afterwards and didn't say a single word to anyone. I felt so broken and defeated and angry because I knew everything, but I was so out of it I couldn't even tell what I had been writing. I turned off my phone for the rest of the day and went for a walk and just stayed away from everyone. I was in such a dark place and was so angry because I felt so hopeless.
I returned to my room in the middle of the night and sat in the darkness on the floor and just prayed. And this wasn't any 'cute' prayer. I literally let everything out and told God exactly how I felt.
I admitted that though I had been praying, my doubt was so strong so the faith in what I was saying had disappeared. As I was talking it hit me in my gut that my lack of faith was my biggest stronghold, more than my health and more than my fear. I remembered this scripture:
The word 'if' really stuck out to me, and at that moment I just immediately decided I was done with doubt. I was done with praying then going back to worrying so much that I stayed up all night every night. I was done with pondering with the idea that I was going to be a failure.
So I just told God I'm literally gluing myself to Him. Even if everything around me continued to get worse, I didn't care anymore. I was going to be ok, in fact more than ok, because I was simply not going to accept nothing less than that. I asked for a renewed mind, renewed strength and reminders of my purpose in Him and promised myself that I would use all those hours I would spend alone, trapped in my anxiety and fear to spend time in His presence instead. About 5 minutes later, just after midnight I heard a loud knock on my door and jumped. I opened the door to find Security and my best friend asking if I was ok and realised I had left my phone off all day so everyone including my mum had panicked that something had happened to me! (You see what basking in fear can do!) I called my mum to reassure her I was fine and told her what had happened. She said she had gone to a conference the night before and had the entire congregation of people praying for me when they didn't even know me and she encouraged me to just declare and accept my victory.
My accident, my ongoing health condition and all my lost work meant that even though exams were over, I still had a final assignment to hand in. In normal circumstances, no assignments were supposed to be handed in once exam season was complete, but prayer granted me favour which meant I was given another extension on my final assignment, meaning I would have to hand it in the week I was leaving university! If I did not meet this deadline I was not going to be able to graduate. At this point, I knew God was showing me a ray of hope and reminding me that He was with me every step of the way. And by this point he had two of my closest friends consistently praying with me, checking up on me, and reminding me that I had always been the leader and the one that never quits so this was my chance to do it once more!
DISASTER 5: But, the week before I would have to leave university, I found out that my uncle had tragically passed away, which was an absolutely huge blow to my family. And, on top of that my health got even worse and I was forced to go back to hospital where specialists gave me a new set of medication. Physically by this point I was absolutely beyond tired, but spiritually, after everything I had already pushed through, I was just ready to force open the door to victory no matter what! In the end I literally had two days to complete and hand in my last assignment whilst moving all my stuff back home over the course of those same few days. It honestly took every bit of strength in me to push through, and the prayer I had to go through to get to the finish line really proved the power of intimacy with God!
But, despite the fact that I still have appointments and an upcoming operation for another seperate issue, I write this testimony with the hugest smile, as the 12th July 2016 will be..
I'm sharing all of this because I really want to encourage someone. I've done my best to try and summarise this season as much as possible but honestly going through it, it genuinely was such an emotional rollercoaster, especially as someone who is so private and likes to just push through on my own. My friends and family will tell you that I have always been considered as 'the strong one' so for me, getting to a place that was this emotionally and mentally draining was a huge test of my strength and my character but most importantly, my faith.
There was no way I could get to the other side without becoming a much stronger person and without truly understanding the power of faith in God.
To this day I do not remember what I wrote in that exam but clearly God was the one holding the pen and he blessed me with even better grades than I expected!
Impossibility is an opinion. NOT a fact.
No matter how crazy impossible or heavy an obstacle may seem
Never allow your flesh to believe it is stronger than the power of God.
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| Instagram @miss_zacca |
When your physical strength fails, do not just sit there and allow yourself to give up because all thats going to do is leave you in an endless spiral of sadness.
Use my experience as testament that if you trust and I mean fully trust, believe and chase after your breakthrough, even if it doesn't seem like it, it will definitely come!
I can trust in the fact that:
'I Don't Know What My Future Holds, But I Know Who Holds My Future'
I look forward to my graduation day, celebrating with my best friends, fellow graduates and family and I'm super excited for all the new adventures that are about to come my way!
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| If you know, you know lol |
